Most all of us have a strong and generally healthy desire for companionship along with a physical connection. Not only is it inherent in almost every human being (as well as other species), it is absolutely necessary for reproduction and the survival of the human race. Every weekend and even many weeknights, millions of people put on their most flattering outfits and spend a great deal of time prepping to go out and potentially meet their mate. Today, there are a plethora of online dating sites to help individuals of every creed to find and meet a companion. There are far few feelings better than true love, romantic love that is. It is one of the most important things in life for many individuals; for almost all of us are seeking a partner to eventually procreate with, someone who possesses genetics and personality that we admire enough to want to co-parent with for the rest of our lives.
Psychologist, Albert Ellis, focused on many ideals that helped to launch the sexual revolution in the 1960s in America (and other countries). Here are some of his ideals about the sexual revolution and tips on how to remain happy and healthy when it comes to relationships and sex:
- The sexual revolution encouraged individuals to be open with their sexuality, expressing, both, what they want as well as what they don’t want. This revitalized partner communication regarding physical and emotional needs and desires.
- Sexual openness and flexibility go hand in hand with good mental health. Rigid and/or puritanical sexual viewpoints can be indicative of underlying disorders and can lead to sexual guilt, which can further worsen the problem.
- Love and sex are two separate principles. At the same time, a good physical relationship can lead to love and vise versa; love can help to nourish a stronger and more satisfying physical connection. Ellis recommends to find a love and companionship partner whose physical sexual desires also match your own.
- Feelings of love are natural, altruistic, and perfectly healthy. There are many different kinds of love, and you are the only one who can decide if or how you love another being.
- Although love and sex are inherent with most all humans, they still take much work. Both involve trade offs and a great deal of compromise. You bear a personal responsibility to engage in physical and emotional activities and behaviors that satisfy your needs and desires. Inversely, you should try to find ways to satisfy these physical and emotional needs of your partner, too. The main goal is mutual pleasure.
- The sexes and each individual among each sex can have largely varying needs and desires. Ellis feels that this is something that everyone should aim to accept and to remember when dealing with current and potential partners. Flexibility is the key.
- Set aside regulatory rules for love and put your personal needs first. Consider the personal needs of your partner, as well.
- Engage in healthy sexual fantasies. Ellis even suggests imagining another person when you are with your partner if you have desire toward another.
- Steer clear of sexual restrictions and prejudicial standards and fictions. Comparing yourself and your needs/desires to traditional sexual standards can lead to a poor and dysfunctional love-sex life.
- Sexual performance anxiety is a result of cognition about how you think and feel you must perform. This can lead to an interference with sexual enjoyment. Instead of belittling yourself and rating yourself, communicate with your partner or partners about your desires and specific sexual interests. At the same time, take the time to learn your partner’s interests and desires.
- Ellis explains that neurosis occurs when intelligent individuals act stupidly. Instead of staying in dysfunctional love and sexual patterns, take action to change any undesirable patterns for you and your partner. Ellis suggests that any couple can almost always work harder to make their relationship better with success.
- Jealously appears more commonly in Western cultures. There is a level of rational jealousy that exhibits your desire to maintain your relationship. This can show that you do not want your partner to have too much involvement or attachment to other. This kind of healthy jealousy will lead to fewer conflicts and negative emotions in the relationship. However, irrational jealousy can lead to a great deal of weakening in any relationship. This is when one partner feels the other should not show any interest whatsoever towards other individuals outside of the relationship.
- Rational coping statement help to keep a realistic perspective on what is important and also to keep in touch with reality while in love and/or lust. One such statement would be, “I would be devastated if I lost my one true love, but I would be able to move forward and eventually find another partner.” This can relieve a great deal of pressure and intensity, while also increasing flexibility, emotional availability, and relationship durability.
- In order to truly achieve a significant level of intimacy as well as sexual ecstasy, you should try to maintain a sane outlook towards love, sex, and empathy for your partner/lover. Learn through literature but also through experience and plenty of practice.
- It is highly unethical and immoral to “string someone along” for sexual pleasure by manipulation and lies about a future with that person when you have no intention of maintaining the relationship. This involves deliberate lies about the potential future that you and your sexual partner will have. This only conceals motives and the deception deprives another human being of the freedom of choice based upon facts of a true nature. Try expressing yourself openly and honestly and you may find that your partner is more open to the same expectations as you.
- There is nothing wrong with varying forms of sexual pleasure that may not be the normal standard, so long as they are not compulsive behaviors or harm another being.